Do You Hear What I Hear?

November 2nd Newsweek article, The Devil Loves Cell Phones, and subtitled, Silence isn't just golden -- it's heavenly, rails on about cell phones, yelling TV pundits and Twitter, but nowhere does it mention the Devil's most insidious weapon: Christmas Muzak®.

I don't shop. Oh, I buy stuff. But I don't shop as a form of entertainment. However, I am a devoted mother, and when my son and his intended bride asked me to look for a birdcage as a wedding decoration, it became my mission to unearth the personality-plus cage of all cages. The best one is on ebay, but by the time the auction is over it'll be too late. Thus, I felt compelled to go to brick and mortar stores. In shopping malls. In November.

Note to Pier One Imports, Michael's Arts and Crafts, and the antique mall: If your Christmas music is boring holes in my brain like a cross between mad cow disease and a railroad spike, I can't think about purchasing your products. In fact, that person sprinting out the door that you think, considering the speed, must be a shoplifter? That's me.